Chariot of Fire -2.5-

Chariot #2.5 - Who Has the Hearts of Your Children?

In the past months, I have received the troubling news of four young people who have left their homes without the blessing of their parents. I wish this were an isolated incident; however, such occurrences seem to be on the rise. We might expect children of parents who are unbelievers and wrapped up in furthering their own selfish agendas to make a bolt into premature independence. But these young people I know have bolted from parents who have a sincere love for their children and are committed to train their children in God's ways. One of the most disturbing trends today among church-going families is the revolt of their teenage children against the values and lifestyles taught them.

Surely I'm not alone in my concern. Perhaps you also know of friends who are suffering the blow of a teen gone AWOL. Maybe this article comes to you in the midst of such a trial. If so, my heart goes out to you. My prayer is that the next series of articles will provide hope and vision for how to respond.

It's a matter of the heart

When we hear of a young person behaving in such a way his or her parents have to ask the teen to leave home, questions leap into our minds. What caused this behavior? Could the parents have done anything to prevent it? Could this happen to us? If our teenage son or daughter is discontent, contentious, and disrespectful, then to even bring up the subject may evoke fears that can almost be tasted.
Although I don't think I have all the answers to the questions above, I believe God's Word provides helpful insight and hope that may be encouraging and directive. If we wish to prevent teenage mutiny, the hearts of our children must be our primary concern. Who has the heart of your child? What does this have to do with the problem?

Learn the dynamics of the heart

What is your understanding of the relationship between the heart and the will? My observation is that many evangelical parents have an erroneous idea of how the heart and will relate to each other. The heart of which I am speaking is not the physical organ in my chest that pumps the life-giving blood to my body. Biblically speaking, the heart refers to that central governing aspect of our souls involving our thinking, understanding, conscience, and spirits. Proverbs 23:7 indicates that the thinking in our hearts determines who we are. So our mind, our thinking, and our understanding are one function of the heart. The apostle John implied that our consciences are another aspect of our hearts when he wrote,

"We shall know by this that we are of the truth, and shall assure our heart before Him, in whatever our heart condemns us; for God is greater than our heart, and knows all things. Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God (I John 3:19-21)."

Another word used synonymously with heart is the term spirit. God prophesied through Ezekiel, "And I shall give them one heart, and shall put a new spirit within them. And I shall take the heart of stone out of their flesh and give them a heart of flesh" (Ezekiel 11:19). Some theologians consider the spirit to be that aspect of our hearts which relates to God. That may be so, but in all three–the mind, the conscience, and the spirit–we relate to God. Whatever function it plays, the spirit is an influential, powerful, motivating force in our lives.

Beware a false notion about the heart

If we aren't careful, we may base our relationships with our children on a false notion regarding the nature of man. That false notion is that the will dictates the condition of the heart. When we operate out of this false presupposition, we think that if we can convince our children of what is right and wrong, they will act accordingly. Parents who think this way also tend to think their children can become Christians by simply exercising their "free-will" to choose to accept Jesus Christ as their Savior. That makes sense if one thinks the action of the will dictates the condition of the heart.

The problem with that kind of thinking is that it is untrue. If parents teach their children that one particular action is the right thing to do and another action is unrighteous, will their children then exercise their wills accordingly? Not always. The apostle Paul, in Romans 7, stressed the helplessness of a man who knows what is right but doesn't have the power of the Holy Spirit at work in his heart and life. "Wretched man that I am!" The problem isn't the will, but the heart. Paul wrote, "For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not (Romans 7:18)." Therefore, it is important that we…

Learn the truth about the dynamics of the heart and the will

The truth about the will of the natural man is that it is not free to act righteously. The Bible teaches that the natural man's will is in bondage to the spiritual condition of the heart. "As a man thinks in his heart, so is he" goes the proverb. When choices are made, yes, the will is acting. However, the will always chooses according to the inclination of the heart. That prevailing inclination is based on the person's understanding and thinking within his heart. No person will ever choose to do anything contrary to the condition of one's heart. Some key Scriptures give three insights into how the heart functions.

Insight #1: All the issues of life flow out of the condition of the heart

The first scripture is Proverbs 4:23. Watch over your heart with all diligence for from it flow the springs of life (NASB). The King James Version reads, "for from it flow the issues of life." Quite often parents make a big deal over the issues of life instead of dealing with the issue of life, the heart condition and direction. A couple of analogies make the point. A fireman trying to put out a fire being fueled by a gas leak should first turn off the gas. A medical doctor trying to boost the immune system of a patient without removing a source of disease will eventually lose his patient. In the same way, a parent wishing to correct a child's behavior must first deal with what God is doing in the child's heart through that particular situation.

After almost 32 years of ministry to young people and families, I've observed that parents think the problems with their teens revolve around outward issues such as the music they listen to, the fact that their daughter wears too much make-up, or their son is absorbed in computer games and movies. Although these things are concerns, they are merely symptoms of deeper issues of the heart. Notice this truth taught in the gospels by the Lord Jesus Christ.

"For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness (Mark 7:21-22)."

"The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart (Luke 6:45)."

God has made the human heart to be the source of all our actions and words. This leads us to the second insight.

Insight #2: Whatever one treasures, the heart will be focused there

What we treasure in our hearts eventually bears fruit in our lives. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus gave this insight regarding the human heart: "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also" (Matthew 6:21). One brings forth out of one's treasure either evil or good. If the person treasures the eternal, then good springs forth. But if one treasures that which is temporal, evil follows.
Many people apparently treasure fun and temporal fulfillment. As I've mentioned in the message, "The Calling Out of Sons," if fathers don't call out sons into manhood God's way, sons will develop an attitude that life is to happy and comfortable. Daughters may also come to the same conclusion. If that is true, we can expect our children to think their greatest hope of fulfillment will be attached to something or someone giving instant gratification. Unfortunately, those things offering immediate gratification are usually not best for them.
What is it that attracts your child or teen to the world? I believe it is the immediate hope it offers for him or her to feel fulfilled or happy. This leads us to a third insight into the dynamics of the human heart.

Insight #3: God made the human heart to hope and be full.

What all of us really treasure is hope fulfilled, a tree of life as Proverbs 13:12 states, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but desire fulfilled is a tree of life." I believe the proverb refers to the heart of the natural man. It describes what our unregenerated children and teens experience. If they have come to know Jesus Christ, then they can learn that He is the Tree of Life who fills our desires. The child of God learns that the eternal hope is worth waiting for. Although that hope is deferred, his heart eagerly waits for it as the apostle Paul wrote in Romans 8:25. One of the benefits of the new birth is the ability to wait and hope in God to fulfill His promises as he obeys Him.

But children usually have a difficult time holding on to hope for a long time. They don't want hope deferred. To them, it makes their selfish hearts uneasy. Sickness is dis-ease. Learning to endure dis-ease while fixing our hope on a future blessing takes maturity. Adults who haven't learned this lesson also struggle with the attraction of a worldly activity that offers immediate gratification. We all have desires and we long to have those desires fulfilled. When our hearts are empty, we feel pain, rejection, disappointment, and worthlessness; we are motivated to fill the heart with something to alleviate the empty feeling inside. As long as the hope of fulfillment is deferred and we have to wait for it, we feel "heartsick". Of course, only God, Himself, can fill that emptiness in a lasting way. The Lord Jesus, Himself, is THE Tree of Life. But until the infilling of the Holy Spirit occurs, we humans tend to look to temporal things, activities, and relationships for fulfillment.

When hope is deferred and the heart feels empty we search for something to fill the heart–something or someone who will give some promise of happiness, comfort, or relieve us of pain. The natural heart's inclination is to go toward a hope because that is the treasure of the heart. If we are not careful and if we don't know the truth of the gospel, we'll take a temporal hope that appears to offer the most immediate fulfillment.

Usually a temporal hope promises instant gratification, appeals to the condition of the heart, and blinds us to the consequences and results. This scheme is as old as man! Who of us hasn't been burned by the same appeal that brought about the fall of Adam? "You can be like God, now! Why wait?" Consider the men whose testimonies we have in the Bible who sinned because they wanted their desires fulfilled immediately: Abraham and Sarah, Esau, Saul, David, Judas Iscariot, and the woman at the well. These people refused to wait on God, and their hearts sought a temporal hope. (Perhaps this would make a good discussion for family devotions for one week. Read each of their stories and see if you can discover the following: What temporal hope lured them into sin? What happened to them because they wouldn't wait on God and hope in Him?) The reason earthly treasures are so alluring is that they offer a temporal hope to the heart. In the absence of a greater hope, the heart will seek unconsciously the greatest hope available.

Who has the heart of your child?

Who or what does your child think offers the most hope? What is it that your child treasures? Discover the treasure and you will have discovered the direction of the heart. Then you'll be able to help him or her work through the experience in wisdom. You can teach about the heart, the need to guard it, and the vanity and consequences of chasing after a temporal hope.

This may open the door for sharing the hope of the Gospel. There is no question about it. The gospel of Jesus Christ offers the greatest hope, but the problem with our children many times is that they don't see this. They don't understand how their hearts work, much less the affect of original sin on their hearts. It is our privilege and responsibility as parents to teach them the dynamics of their hearts so they can understand their experiences in life. The testimonies of the men and women mentioned above were given to us to make us wise. After discussing them, you might make application of this lesson by asking yourselves: What does my heart treasure that offers a temporal hope? Am I guarding my heart with all diligence?
If we're to prevent the next generation from walking away from the faith and after the world, we not only need to understand the dynamics of the heart, but the dynamics of hope. That will be our topic next month. Until then, may God give us all wisdom and guidance as we teach our children about their hearts.

Norm Wakefield
Elijah Ministries
PO 377
Bulverde, Texas 78163
www.spiritofelijah.com